Thursday, 14 August 2008

What matters..

There are many myths and theories surrounding autism.
Autism has been around longer that it has had a name and much longer than many of the theories below were even invented.
Here's a light hearted collection of some of the theories that are around.

Did I shampoo our dog?!
Or was I specially chosen by god?

When pregnant was I stressed?
Or did the devil my son possess.?!

Is C the next stage of evolution?
In the air was there pollution?

Did I conceive in late spring?
Do I remember if it was raining?!

Is C a crystal child waiting to ascend?
Or is he one of the mutant X-Men?

Was it the dental fillings I had?
Or the triple vaccine MMR jab?

Was it my lipstick that was red?!
Or the mobile phone near my head?

Could it be a food allergy?
Or my disordered personality?!

Was it the smoking and drinking which was bad?
Or C having an older dad?

Was I a cold refrigerator mom?
Who always had the TV on?

Or does C have an extreme male brain?
Many things that would explain!

C wasn’t held to ransom,
Nor is he a victim or a madman.

Words hit like a fist - like Retard
Or he’s a brat whom I didn’t spank hard.

It doesn’t matter to me what was the cause
Or the whys and wherefores.

As if you look at my family tree
Its more than plane to see!

What matters is the here and now,
Not the why, not the how.


Autism has made C who he is today -
I wouldn’t have him any other way.

I support C and help him as best I can.
I love him for who he is. C a wonderful young man.

112 comments:

Beth said...

Congratulations on the award - you so deserve it!
And, yes, it is always the "here and now" that truly matters.

Chris H said...

How sweet to give G, Elf and Emperor the award! I have that award too. ... just havn't posted it yet.. oops! Hope you are well mate, and C of course. How is he doing in his new home? And it's 2.27am here, can't sleep darn it!

Casdok said...

Hi Chris! I thought it must be the middle of the night for you!
I had C home for last weekend - he was so happy to see that everything is still the same here. So it was hard for him to go back. But hes getting there.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

a) I have an award for you, so stop by when you have a chance.
b) I've heard about 5 of those myths--it's amazing what people attribute a disease to. Wow. To overcome that...

BenefitScroungingScum said...

What a lovely post, and so good to see you blogging again. Much love to both you and C, BG x

Crystal Jigsaw said...

On behalf of Amy I would like to thank you for this special honour.

My love to C and his amazing mum.

CJ xx

okasaneko said...

"What matters is the here and now,
Not the why, not the how.
Autism has made C who he is today -
I wouldn’t have him any other way.
I support C and help him as best I can.
I love him for who he is. C a wonderful young man."

Amen to this, Casdok. I feel the exact same way for my Alphonse. A huge hug for you and a C!

kristina said...

a lovely, loving tribute---

LceeL said...

Lovely, lovely. As are you. And C.

Autism is becoming almost epidemic, it seems. They say now that 1 in 150 children are 'on the spectrum'. It is not, it cannot be, genetic. It is almost certainly environmental. Is it pre or post natal. No one knows. Is it some chemical that's pervasive in our society now? That some react to while others don't? Is THAT the genetic component?

That's all there is - questions. There should only be, for now, one answer. Love. Or a slightly larger answer. Love, care and understanding.

But those commodities would seem to be, like so many other remedies, in short supply.

Maddy said...

My you have been busy!

I particularly liked the 'next stage of evolution!'

I actually use the 'extreme male brain' example to help explain sometimes, if I'm feeling brave and think that someone might listen [and we know how rarely those occasions arise!]

[I couldn't get the 'he's a brat' link to work.

Well done you.
Cheers

Jenster said...

Congratulation on the awards.

You are such an astoundingly good mom and every time I come away from your blog I feel like I'm a little more enlightened about Autism.

Jodi said...

This poem is terrific and should be publised. Such talent!

Flea said...

So glad to hear, in your comment above, that C is adjusting, if only slowly. Glad for you both, and hoping that this is ultimately still a really good, independent move for him.

So C is the epitome of male evolution? :D

Akelamalu said...

Congratulations on the award and that's a great poem!

FXSmom said...

This poem is amazing!! Thank you for sharing it with us!!

Mrs. C said...

LOL love the poem!! You must have been saving these links and thinking for quite some time! It seems every week they come up with a "new" one. Sometimes I want to tell people that I don't know what causes autism, but their stupid comments about it are 100% preventable!

Hugs.

Mrs. C said...

OH and as I emailed ya before a BIG triple thank-you for giving my boys an award! They do work hard on their blogs whenever Mom lets 'em.

:]

nitebyrd said...

Great post, Casdok. Congrats on the well deserved awards, too!

~Miss Nelson said...

I just linked this post. You are amazing. Congratulations on your award and it sounds like C is making strides in his placement.

:)

Sarcasta-Mom said...

Fatastic poem!! Autism is such a deep mystery, one has to wonder if it will ever be solved. Once again, thanks for sharing your life and C's. :) Congrats on the award!

Dianne said...

every time I see you in my comments I get so happy - it might mean you have a post of your own up

and Wow do you have a post up!

those links must have taken a bit - thank you for all that information and inspiration

I'm glad C was home at the weekend and I'm hopeful that each time things will get a little bit easier

dawn said...

Congrats on the award , I'm glad C is adjusting it's gotta be a relief . Oh I'm surprised one of the mythisn't if ou walked and chewed gum at the same time. Luv ya girl

Suzanne said...

awesome verse!

lime said...

like one of my professors in the special ed. dept. at university said, "the cause in only important if it yields clues as to how to aid the individual." often it doesn't and people just get caught up in arguing about it while a person who needs support just continues in need.

frogpondsrock said...

Hi Casdok,I have been wondering how C is going and I am pleased to read in the comments that he is settling in (sort of) to his new home..
I also wondered is autism becoming more common? Or are we just more aware of autism?
Take care my friend

cheers kim

JoyMama said...

I like the couplet about the refrigerator mom who always had the TV on! But heck, the whole thing is good. Very nicely done.

Osh said...

wonderful poem!

Emily said...

Great post. You're back!?

bobbie said...

Congratulations on your award.

The poem is the greatest. especially:
"What matters is the here and now,
Not the why, not the how."

That says so much.

Bonnie D. said...

I loved it! I think I've heard and considered all of those at some point, and then went...whatever! Thanks for sharing!

Trish said...

You are a delight as always! Seeing the little number one next to your blog in my reader makes my face light up. :)

Glad to hear from you and wishing you and C all the best as you continue the adjustment to your new life.

citizen of the world said...

Congratulations!

ANd about the myths/theories - some are good scientific enquiries in trying to understand a particular way of being. And others are pure silliness/ignoance and even cruelty. I hate that people inflict the more venomous ideas on the world.

Joeymom said...

Great poem. Funny how many of these have been tossed at us the last couple of weeks. I think we need a vacation. :P

Frogs' mom said...

Great poem. A concise compellation of the quirky notions people will go to when faced with the unknown. Thanks for putting this in perspective - I will be referring people to this post!

Congratulations on your well desereved awards :0)

vivavavoom said...

what does the term 'cold refrigerator mom' even mean?

Tanya Savko said...

You have written the most informative poem I've ever read! Very interesting points, with lovely sentiment as well.

Annie Bright said...

What a wonderful poem. It really should be published. And congratulations on your awards. :-)

Eileen said...

Your poem like post was so excellent, yet it made me so sad that you and C had to endure being under a microscope.

Your so right, C is who he is and you love him, like any other parent, for who he is. That is the way it should be. Love and parent, with all our hearts, the incredible gifts we have been given.

XXXXXX

mommy~dearest said...

You've got to be kidding me. Great post, but as I was clicking through the links, I kepth thinking, "you've got to be kidding me". Hmmm...maybe I shouldn't have bathed my cat while wearing lipstick in late spring.

Who would have thought. ;)

Cait O'Connor said...

That is a brilliant poem Casdok and congratulations on your awards.

DJ Kirkby said...

I love all your writing but 'Shrek rap' will always be my fave.

buffalodickdy said...

This sounds like something Dr. Suess might have written! Very good!

Jen said...

Very nicely written! It's almost funny how so many of the "theories" go back to blaming the mother. My all-time favourite is one that I found the first night that my kids were diagnosed, that said that autistics were sent here as emissaries for the aliens who were watching us...unfortunately the website is down now, but it was a good one.

Congratulations on your award...you deserve it!

Jen

Traceytreasure said...

You so deserve that award!! I'm so glad that you realize how important today is. The here and now is all that matters. I love your poetry!! Wonderful Poem!! I've said it before and I'll say it again..C is very lucky to have such a wonderful, caring, kind, supportive and loving Mom. You're the best. I'm positive that you two were meant to be together to learn from each other. You've taught me a lot, Casdok and I will be forever grateful for you!! Big hugs and love for you and C!!

Jade said...

You definitely deserve awards! Its nice to see that you're getting the recognition you deserve for you time and efforts in life.

Wild theories listed there. But I can't help but think that even if you knew why or how C became autistic you'd still have "Why's and How's"

Hope this up coming weekend brings peace, joy, and relaxation to you.

Hammer said...

I've read many of those articles and wonder if they will ever find a link to anything concrete.

Congrats on the award! I wish more folks in the mainsteam shared your attitude.

Schmutzie said...

You are being featured on Five Star Friday:
http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2008/08/five-star-friday-edition-19.html

Fire Byrd said...

I've read this and the previous post, it's been a while since I came by.
You are so articulate and clear about your love for C, it radiates out of your words.
I'm glad that he is making progress in his new home.
I've just seen the 'Retard' advert over on Bendy's it is shocking and such a vile word.
People are so intolerant of others.
I hear it all the time at work, the shame people feel for not being' normal' and they are just dealing with stress.
x

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Casdok, I love this! Brilliant!

laughingwolf said...

very well said, cas... and grats on the award :)

kristi said...

I am bestowing this award upon you as well. You are awesome!

Suzy said...

C is an extraordinary young man whom we have all gotten to know and love through your incredible writing.

Thank you for sharing C.

My love to you and C.

Suzy

La La said...

Beautifully written and linked. Thanks for the education on myths and theories. Really. You have taught me so much.

I'm grateful to you.

Elizabeth Channel said...

As always, you provide just the perspective I need after a particularly trying day.

Thank you.

Honeysuckle said...

I recognise loads of those thoughts - usually all wrapped up together under the banner 'I hope it wasn't something I did!'

Really happy to see - further up this page - that C has enjoyed a weekend at home. That's brilliant.

Half rabbit said...

what does the term 'cold refrigerator mom' even mean?

vivavavoom, I could type my own explanation but I feel wikipedia words it better

The term refrigerator mother was coined around 1950 as a label for mothers of autistic children. These mothers were often blamed for their children's atypical behaviors, which included rigid rituals, speech difficulty, and self-isolation.

The "refrigerator mother" label was based on the assumption — now discredited among most, though not all, mental health professionals — that autistic behaviors stem from the emotional frigidity of the children's mothers. As a result, many mothers of children on the autistic spectrum suffered from blame, guilt, and self-doubt from the 1950s throughout the 1970s and beyond: when the prevailing medical belief that autism resulted from inadequate parenting was widely assumed to be correct. Present-day proponents of the psychogenic theory of autism continue to maintain that the condition is a result of poor parenting.


It's now been largely discredited, though it's still widely held in some countries such as France and South Korea :(

LittleBrownDog said...

Excellent poem, Casdok. Very interesting about all those theories - I guess it's tempting to look for an easy, straightforward explanation, but life is much more complex than that.

Jim said...

Congrats and good to see you again.

motherx said...

What a great poem! xxx wish more people thought like you!

Sass E-mum said...

Thanks for stopping by. What's with the spanking advice? Weird. It's like when people tell parents to ... bite their kids so they won't bite back.

So glad to hear that C's enjoying his visits home.

Thanks for stopping by. It's great to hear from you.

Patty O. said...

Great poem. Though now the hyochondriac in me is freaking out. I happen to be pregnant, but I was never tested for toxic substances a year ago. Yikes. I wonder if that is what caused my son's SPD....

Kelley said...

Fabulous post babe. I have bookmarked and stumbled to show others.

Been thinking about you. <3

Jayne said...

Love the poem, it sums up autism and the path we walk so perfectly!
Congrats on the awards, you deserve them :)

CrackerLilo said...

If even half of those were true, every child in the industrialized world would be autistic by now.

I'm sorry you and C have to put up with such ignorance.

Mama Zen said...

Fabulous, fabulous poem!

Suburbia said...

I read above that you have had C home. That's good. I hope things are going well.

Lane said...

That's an excellent poem!! The links are so clever:-)

CC said...

Love the collection of theories.

congrats on the awards!

MamaGeek said...

Congrats on the bling and continual inspiration!

teeni said...

Sadly, autism is not the only condition that has so many myths about it. We, as people, seem to fear what we don't understand and then we try to figure out how things came about with no training or knowledge of our own and this is what happens. And this is why I'm so glad there are people out there, like you, with patience and who can help us all understand things better. I don't know how you do it but I suspect it is not something you think too much about - it's like when people ask me about how I can be positive about cancer - really there is not a choice. You just do what you have to do. Period.

Angela said...

You always know just how to say what everyone else is thinking! Love your poem!

alan said...

There are those of us who seem determined to figure out how we caused everything that goes wrong, especially with our children or grandchildren. Then there are those who know they never caused anything...

The truth is like everything else in this life, sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't, and sometimes things just happen!

Thank you for illustrating that with a sense of humor!!!

alan

Noddy said...

Linky.

Your blog is inspiring!

little wanderer said...

congrats on the award x
you are so amazing x

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Just stopped by to see how your life was panning out of late. Tears and more tears as I catch up with yours and C's progress. Not tears of pity but of immeasurable admiration for you both. You never fail to impress me, move me, humble me.

You have a heart the size of a plant.

Trixie said...

That poem is FAB Casdok!

bobbie said...

Stop by my blog, Casdok. There's an award for you.

kaylee said...

I am a child with mild autism and Cancer i love your blog :)

Seen This Scene That said...

Reading your post today illuminates me. How true that it is "the here and now" that matters. Keep on believing in yourself, in C and the principles you hold dear.

E said...

We all do it. I had breast cancer when I was 31. I railed against the steel town where I grew up and remembered riding my bike in and out of the bug sprayer in our backward little town.
Eventually i stopped trying to figure out why and decided to choose all the rest with intention and care. You already know this well.
Glad C came for a visit and that you are both adjusting. You are in my heart and my prayers....

Bonnie said...

At first I felt so guilty I have a lot of "genetic red flags" as the physician put it. However, I wouldn't change my son for the world. I love him, he is unique, and he is my son.

J said...

Fantastic Post! Congratulations on your awards. : ) Take care, jml.

Cyndi said...

Oh yes, I've heard all of them (and there are lots more out there)! You are so talented...you really need to publish your poems, etc.

Lea White said...

I've just stumbled upon your blog and (I know this sounds corny) but I've always been really interested in learning more about Autism. I've read a number of books on the subject, but it still remains a mystery to me.

I would love to read your blog and learn from you to learn more about a situation that I know so very little about.

Anyway, I want to let you know that I think you are an awesome mom!

Lea White
http://whitesinnz.blogspot.com

joy said...

I know you probably have enough blog awards but there is another on my blog for you.
I love love love this post. another great one as usual.

earthlingorgeous said...

Hey Hi! Thanks for dropping by my blog. Glad you came. Love this post by the way. We are on the same boat. God speed. I'll add you up to my blog roll. I want to read more of you blog. Take care.

Fe-Fe said...

Thank you for leaving a lovely comment on my blog and leading me to yours.

I love your poem, it sums up so much. I've lost count of the amount of people who have asked me if I think my son's autism is due to the MMR jab.

I really love the last part of your poem:

"Autism has made C who he is today -
I wouldn’t have him any other way.

I support C and help him as best I can.
I love him for who he is. C a wonderful young man".

That is exactly what I say about Josh. He is a wonderful little boy and I wouldn't change him for the world. I just wish he could see how wonderful he is.

Congratulations on your award too.

Hugs
Fe x

Angela said...

I have an award for you over at my site! It's a repeat for you I see, but well deserved nonetheless!

Shellie said...

Great poem! Amazing all the things we blame a difference on. As for C's transition, yikes, that is a lot to go through. I was feeling anxious about the twins' transition to regular kindergarten, but really, it's nothing in comparison. Glad he's adjusting.

Rhonda said...

I love the way you so openly and lavishly love your son.
That's how all parents should be.

C is lucky/BLESSED!

Irene said...

My God, woman, look at the amount of comments you get. I hope you don't have a full time job, because this blog will take hours out of your day.
I am just adding my 2 cents worth by saying that I am surprised how you always come up with something new to say about autism. Something to catch my attention.

After having studied the subject to some extent, I now think that my son may have had Asperger's syndrome, although I can't be sure, of course. It doesn't matter now, because he has died, but I always wondered what was the matter with him and I was not the only one.

It pales in comparison to what you have to deal with, I realize that. C is especially challenged and you are a big hero for hanging in there so well. Or shouldn't I say that, because he is your son and you love him? I was fiercely protective of my son.

Keep taking good care of yourself, you deserve it.

Kelly said...

Wow, Congratulations on your awards! You have so many, I am coming to you from Bobbie at Almost There... regarding the award "Lets Kick Ass" Award! I see you have gotten many others!

I'm very impressed with your blog and your activism for Autisic people! What a hero you are!!! Congratulations to you on a wonderful and definitely important subject and your blog, writings and for your awards! I'll keep following your blog! Well done!!!

With much admiration,

Kelly

Debbie said...

Thanks for signing my guestbook. Your poem hits home...oh the wonders of it all. Looking forward to reading more of your blog and having another virtual friend--across the pond :)

My best to you and C.

Palm Springs Savant said...

That was quite a stream of thought there Casdok- again, thought provoking as usual.

Get Off My Lawn! said...

I like the one about spanking. Lots of people still spank. I won't judge but I have noticed that the children of spankers are actually worse behaved. Just an observation.

Nancie said...

C is unique and gifted in his own special ways. And he is so blessed to have such a loving and supportive mum! Bipolar disorder has made me what I am today and I think I do prefer it this way :) Though depression is awful beyond words, the hypomanic gives me more creativity and more energy so that I can accomplish more. Thanks for all your encouragements. Thank God that I am feeling so much better. Will learn to pace myself moderately. Take care. You and C are in my thoughts and prayers.

Debs said...

Congratulations on your awards.

You really are a wonderful and inspiring mum.

Dx

Jenny said...

I love your poem! What a wonderful mother you are!

rhemashope said...

I love it. Thanks so much.

Krystal aka Mommy K said...

i love the way that you wrote this - you are a proud mom that has been blessed with such a gift of a child! Whatever the cause, whatever the reason - he is perfect!

whimsical brainpan said...

Great poem and congrats on the awards!

Dad Stuff said...

Wow! How did you ever write such a clever poem? I am impressed.
Congrats on the awards too.

Rrramone said...

Great post! Amazing job of putting this all together. :-)

CAMILLA said...

Hi Casdok,

Many congratulations on the Award, you are a wonderful mother to 'C', a wonderful post and tribute.

xx

KC's Blog said...

Congratulations! C is an amazing young man with a very awesome Mommy. I wouldn't change K.C. either, I love him just the way he is, just the way God made him.
Beautiful Tribute for C.

Marla said...

Congrats and thanks for passing the award on to M. She will be thrilled. M has not been in the blogging mood as of yet but will hopefully feel the urge soon.;)

I love the list. So many of these amaze me and yet I have wondered a lot of them early on as well.

melody is slurping life said...

So well spoken. Does not matter how we each came to be "me"...it matters that we are.

*applause* for the well-deserved awards and thanks for stopping by my place.

CrazyCath said...

I never fail to be amazed at the weird and wonderful reasons people (intelligent people!) can come up with for anything misunderstood.

Ellee Seymour said...

Casdok, many thanks for your kind comment about David. I'm sure you feel just as proud as C,and that he is a great credit to you.

spacedlaw said...

Great poem!
I am glad that the Black Box magic tool brought me here.

DJ Kirkby said...

There is an award for you over at mine. xo

Jen P said...

This is beautiful