Messy play

At last I have a moving date for C - in 6 weeks. Which is a huge relief. And this time I feel more prepared as I have some idea how C will react. But I also have different concerns this time as C has regressed in so many areas since his first move and after 11 months is not yet back to where he was. But I know the new home will be more suitable in the long run so hopefully C will settle quicker this time and begin to regain what he has lost.





Over the years I tried many messy tactile substances in messy play to deter C from smearing. But never found a good enough substitute! He still smears but these days it is thankfully a bit more contained. Trying to keep C’s nails clean though as he won’t let anyone cut them since he moved is very difficult. Any advice gratefully accepted!

This weekend my sister and her husband went away and I looked after my nephews J (3.5) who is Autistic and O who is just 10 months. So I put my messy play to good use. It is great for gross and fine motor skills, coordination, concentration, observation, communication and stimulation of all the senses.

J has never liked the feel grass under his feet but really enjoyed getting his feet gooey. We enjoyed pouring, scooping, grasping, transferring, catching, placing, exploring all with lots of eye contact.

And without even realizing J was soon walking on the grass! I do love being an aunt!

Animals have more rights...

Unlike child abuse and animal abuse (The Children's Act and The Protection of Animals Act), there is no single piece of legislation that deals with the abuse of vulnerable adults.

We all know a vulnerable adult, a disabled or elderly member of the family or a neighbour. So this concerns everyone.

Through out out history people have abused their power like Hitler. Or their trust like Dr Shipman. Or parents like Josef Fritzl. Or so called specialist centers like the Judge Rotenburg Center. (Facebook group)

It is still happening today. Every day. Abuse takes many forms. A young man Jesse Moores tragically died. His death could have been prevented (Facebook group) if someone had just spoken out.

No Secrets is the current Government 'guidance' in England

Guidance does not carry the same status as legislation; instead local authorities have their compliance assessed as part of a statutory inspection process. With ‘good reason’ a local authority can ignore such guidance. As a consequence vulnerable adults do not have the same statutory protection as either children or animals.

Such crimes as mistreatment are regularly committed 67% according to Action on Elder Abuse in care settings and by carers
There is a raft of legislation keeping people safe from harm (Human Rights Act 1998, Care Standards Act 2000 and Regulations, Mental Capacity Act 2005). However, prosecutions are very low.
Most councils have recognised that protection (safeguard) of vulnerable adults is paramount and have implemented multi-agency policies and procedures to protect vulnerable adults from abuse.

It is our duty to look out for the signs and to do what we can to prevent it. Staying silent is not an option.

Vulnerable adult definition
A vulnerable adult is a person aged 18 years or over who is or may be in need of community care services by reason of mental or other disability, age or illness; and who is or maybe unable to take care of him or herself, or unable to protect him or herself against significant harm or exploitation.

Everyone has a right to:
Live free from violence, fear and abuse
Be protected from harm and exploitation
Be independent – which may involve some risk
Say 'No' to anything they don't fully understand

Forms of abuse

Institutional abuse
Institutional abuse can occur in a care home, nursing home, acute hospital or in-patient setting and can be any of the following types of abuse:
Neglect.
Physical abuse.
Sexual abuse.
Verbal abuse.
Discriminatory abuse.
Psychological and emotional abuse.
Financial abuse.

Neglect
Neglect of a vulnerable adult can be any of the following:
Not having the help you need to have a bath or shower if you are unable to do so by yourself.
Not getting enough food or drink.
Stopping you from accessing needed care and/or medical services.
Not being given the medication that has been prescribed for you.
Being given medication to make you sleepy when it has not been prescribed or giving you the medication at the wrong time or in the wrong quantities.
Not getting help to stay warm and dry.
Only having old or dirty clothes to wear.
People not caring for you properly.

Professional abuse
Professional abuse happens when a professional does any of the following:
Takes advantage of their client or patients trust.
Exploits their vulnerability.
Does not act in their best interests.
Fails to keep professional boundaries.
Abuse may be:
Sexual.
Financial.
Psychological/emotional.
Physical/neglectful.
Discriminatory.
Professional abuse always involves:
Betrayal of trust.
Exploitation of vulnerability.
Violation of professional boundaries.

Domestic
Any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality.

Discriminatory abuse
Abuse of individual rights is a violation of human and civil rights by any other person or persons.
Discriminatory abuse consists of abusive or derisive attitudes or behaviour based on a person's sex, sexuality, ethnic origin, race, culture, age, disability or any other discriminatory abuse - this includes Hate Crime.

Elder abuse
Can be any of the following:
Physical abuse.
Psychological abuse.
Financial abuse.
Sexual abuse.
Neglect.
Abuse can occur anywhere:
In some one's own home.
A carer's home.
In a day care centre.
In residential care.
In a nursing home.
In hospital.
Both older men and women can be at risk of being abused. The abuser is often well known to the person being abused.
The abuser may be:
A family member.
A friend or neighbour.
A paid or volunteer care worker.
A health or social worker, or other professional.
Older people may also be abused by a person they care for.

Financial abuse
Can be any of the following:
Someone making you take your money out of the cash machine for them.
Taking money from you.
Borrowing money and never giving it back.
Stealing your belongings.
Someone getting you to sign something and you don't know what it is.
Someone taking your pension or other benefit.
Someone asking for money for visiting you socially.

Physical abuse
Can be any of the following:
Being restrained in a chair or locked in a room.
Punching or kicking you.
Throwing things at you.
Grabbing, pushing, poking or slapping you.
Hitting you with an object.
Pulling hair or biting.
Tripping you up.

Psychological and emotional

Hurtful criticism.
Name calling.
Sulking.
Pressure tactics.
Lying to you, or to your friends and family about you.
Persistently putting you down in front of other people.
Stopping you from seeing people you want to see, including friends and family.
Never listening or responding when you talk.
Monitoring your phone calls, emails, texts and letters.
Checking up on you, following you, not letting you go out alone.
Frightening you into doing things you don't want to do.
Making you unnecessarily distrustful of other people.
Upsetting you on a regular basis about things that don't matter to the extent that you may even feel unwell.
Psychological and emotional abuse is generally part of other forms of abuse such as:
Domestic abuse

Sexual abuse
Sexual abuse can be any of the following:
Someone touching you where you don't want to be touched.
People getting too close to you.
Someone making you feel uneasy and upset.
Someone hurting you and making you feel scared.
People not listening when you say no.

Additional factors
Any of these forms of abuse could either be deliberate or the result of ignorance or lack of training, knowledge and understanding. If a person is being abused in one way they are often being abused in other ways too.

What to look out for:
Unexplained injury
Signs of fear or distress
Withdrawal
Neglect
Theft, fraud or financial exploitation

What you should do:
Do act if you suspect a vulnerable person is being abused
Do talk to the person – listen carefully
Do give the person your full attention
Do telephone someone

What you should not do:
Don't ignore it
Don't promise to keep it a secret
Don't put it off (there needs to be better whistleblower provisions )

Autistic children grow into Autistic adults all too fast. I have been very grateful over the years when staff have ‘off the record’ told me things that have happened to C. I hope with greater awareness of Autistic Adults because of campaigns like the NAS I Exist and Safeguarding adult’s and better quality controls things will continue to improve.

After all we could ALL end up in a care home one day.

Safeguarding Adults is every body's business. Your action could prevent abuse.

Every day, people say nothing!
Please say something.
You could improve someones quality of life or maybe a tragic death could be prevented.

Do-Nut

Whilst waiting to move C from his present group home I have been having C home more. In the last couple of years he has been more receptive to going to new places which is fantastic. So in a bid to try and wear him out (he doesn’t sleep much) we have been trying new things. But i only seem to wear myself out! The latest was Do-nutting (as we are not bound by risk assessments!).

Here’s a short video clip to illustrate what it is...

Trying to get C to sit in a Do-nut was a feat in its self – and took some practice!

After I had manoeuvred C into positive and then got myself seated my do-nut – I looked up and C was gone! You’re supposed to wait till everyone is ready and then all go together! I had to run down the side of the slope to catch him up as I knew he wouldn’t know what to do at the bottom and wasn’t sure how he would respond to a member of staff talking to him. I only managed to beat him down the slope as he was using his size 10’s as breaks!!
That was the only mishap.
C needed a bit of time out after that in the furthest corner.

This time he held on till i was ready.

Great fun! The aches and pains the next day were worth it!
We are top middle on way down

Over the last 20 years I don’t know how many letters/emails/phone calls of complaint I have made advocating on C’s behalf. I try and make them constructive and have had some very positive outcomes not just for C but for others to. I have changed attitudes and some policies.

But it can be very wearing. Having a good social worker on your side supporting you can make a lot of difference. I have been very fortunate with my social workers (on the whole). Social services tend get a bad press, and yet many work tirelessly. As well as complaining I also think it is important to give praise where praise is due. So when I saw Health and Social Care Professional of the Year Award were looking for nominations – I nominated my social worker. My nomination has been accepted and we both have been asked to attend the award ceremony next month. In the mean time they are sending a film crew to film both my social worker and I and possibly C?!

No holes

I’ve always tried to be positive and creative from dealing with smearing, sleep deprivation to not eating and head banging. These are all forms of communication – I just have to try and work out what C is trying to say. Sometimes it is quite obvious and other times it has taken years to work out. After 20 years I think I can read C quite well! The majority of stress for both of us still comes from the so called ‘professionals’ who think they know better. I wonder if that will ever change? The move from an up to date forward thinking school to a group home who is still in the last century has been quite an eye opener, and at times soul destroying. I am still working on moving C – getting there slowly.

But anyway I digress as I want to share this recent photo with you. A rare moment with C as he doesn’t like to be touched (which makes helping him dress and wash etc interesting!) a moment that needs no words.

"I want to live in a world where I can say 'I am Autistic' and not be expected to be a bundle of abnormalities and deficits. I want the word 'Autism' to provoke not a mental defect or something that needs 'fixing', but an image of a wonderful and unique person with a wonderful and unique way of being and experiencing the world." - Amanda Baggs

There are no holes in C's Sky.

Out and about...

C has been assessed by another home. Calculations have been done. His current home have now been told that he is leaving- oh you should have seen their faces!! So we are now working out a transition plan.
In the mean time C and I have had some great days to distract us


C enjoys the London eye so much whilst waiting in the queue he was so excited (big loud stimming!!) they gave us a pod to ourselves!!

As C seems to love views I had wanted to take him up the Spinnaker tower in Portsmouth. So when I heard DJ Kirkby was doing a book signing there it was a great excuse to go!
The above photo is C standing on Europe’s largest glass floor 100 meters up.






And we both very much enjoyed a Duck Tour round London. The tour is both on land and on the river Thames. C only tried to dive in once!








I have known Lucy Baxter for years and was not at all surprised to see her stirring up public opinion recently. Some of the things she said were of course taken out of context. But has highlighted a taboo subject and much needed debate. Seeing our young men as adults with feelings not perpetual children who listen to nursery rhymes.

I would like to wish my brother well as he does a charity bike ride for MS in America. I just hope he doesn't end up like i did when i did my charity hike in the Himalayas. Let me know if you would like to sponsor him :)

And last but not least.
I wasn’t going to go on the London Autism Rally yesterday as to advertise it they were using such words as epidemic (which as you will see here is not a good word to use) and a few other words I did not agree with. But the organisers said they wanted to try and include everyone, and they did change some of their wording. So when the London autistic Rights Movement asked C and I to go to promote neurodiversity we did! Here are some photos.

There were many banners from pro -cure to anti-vaccine so i am very glad i was there with The London Autistic Rights Movement to make the case for acceptance. However to on lookers it must have been very confusing.

Out side Downing street.

We ended up in Trafalgar square.

I met some lovely people and was asked on several occasions why I didn't want to cure C. So i came away feeling as though i had done my bit. C enjoyed his day out to. And i was beaming with pride that we did this together.

Update

C and I were minding our own business as we do ( he was feet watching and I was watching him) when suddenly 6 'armed' police men swooped down on him at our local airport. Thankfully they just tried to talk to him as he was acting suspiciously!!!! I stepped in, and they left with apologies.

Incidents like these (its not the first time) are the least of Cs and my worries at the moment. Its been 2 months now since I made it known to Cs case manager that I want to remove C from his group home. Nothing happens fast as they have to have holidays. So am playing the ‘funding game’ which is why i cant just take him out. Thankfully years of experience of this has held me in good stead even though it is different in the adult world, but I am getting there slowly.

Cs home has not improved and to give you a taste of their ethos this is the CD they gave C for Christmas. And yes this was after C had been to a night club!

And that was after they told me what they were giving him and I told them in no uncertain terms that I felt this was totally inappropriate (or words to that affect!). They went ahead and gave it to him anyway.
I wont go into how this made me feel as I'm sure you can imagine.


It has been taking a toll on my health. Being a single parent is hard at times. This being one of them making such huge decisions, especially as I don’t want to get it wrong again.
I have found another home, an assessment has been requested. The new home is not autism specific, and they have the opportunity for independent living for the future which is great as I do love the idea of this, but not just yet for C. I recently went to a meeting at The London Autistic Rights Movement which was very inspiring.

I in 5 care homes inspected by the CSCI fail to meet the national minimum standards. Which does not say much for the state of social care in the UK. There is a culture change from not just the size of the room and where the medication is locked up to more about needs and expectations particularly equality dignity and human rights and with the new Valuing people now document this will continue over the next few years.

Disability has been in the news this week. Apparently we have a new scary CBeebies presenter!!
And I am sure you have heard the very sad news of the loss of David and Samantha’s son. My condolences go to the family.

And in Milan on criminal charges of defamation and privacy violation in regard to a video posted on Google’s Italian site of a young man with Down syndrome. Not sure that it will get anywhere, but at least it is being taken seriously, as you know this affects C.

The Autism Bill is being debated in Parliament today, it has had great support. So i look forward to hearing the outcome. Just heard apparently it went very well and is now through to the next stage. You can watch it here.

And i would like to say thank you to Suzanne for making me this beautiful dress which was inspired by my CD and C's love of reflective light. I was really chuffed!
And i would also like to say thank you to Cathy, Neo-Conduit and Viva Vavoom for all giving me awards which i have put on the side bar of my Faces blog.
Norah - could you email me as i pulled your name out of a hat to win a signed copy of the Shrep rap :)

Think that is all my news for now. Will be back again to let you know how things are going. But its all so painfully slow.

Oh and be aware of the Easter rabbit.

Shrek Rap - The Single. Brought to life.

Another night for me to remember.

And what a night!!

DJ Kirkby’s double book launch of her new book 'From Zaftig to Aspie' and her partner Christopher King’s new book ‘Motorbikes, ducks and crispy sweet apples’. It was a wonderful evening listening to readings, drinking complementary peach champagne, meeting other bloggers and listening to a live jazz band.

But for me the high light of the evening (which all came about by chance) was seeing Daren Callow performing the rap that I had written (my very first blog post). It was quite overwhelming to hear my words come to life. I hope you enjoy it - if you do you can find details on Daren’s blog here or website of how you can buy it. Any money made is to go to charity.

Watch it here

Yes thats me signing copies! If you would like to win one let me know and i will put your names in a hat.

Other news. This may not come as a surprise to some. I have decided to take C out of his group home. It is not what I want for him and no amount of talking to them has changed anything. Of course this is not straight forward (hence I have been quiet). And after a very near miss in my local shopping centre last week when part of the ceiling collapsed onto the table and chairs my friend and I had been sitting at only moments before. (We had moved to a table nearer to where C was stimming as he feet watched.) It has made me even more determined not to waste time. C needs to be somewhere I have confidence in.

Valuing people now: a new three-year strategy for people with learning disabilities is now out and highlights all the things i have been saying to Cs home.
I will keep you posted.

Some of you may have seen on my Faces of Autism blog that I have at last added C along with my 3 year old nephew. I’m finding it very difficult not to overload my sister with info! But it is really good to hear the vast difference in attitudes of professionals and services that are around compared to when C was diagnosed. However there is still room for improvement!

Like this new advertising campaign. It certainly doesn't help new parents like my sister or autistic people themselves. Sharon over at The Voyage (and others) are asking for support to get this ad cancelled. The new campaign by Action for Children TV advertisement portrays autism as a monster to be defeated, a monster with the nice well behaved boy trapped inside. Please pop over to Sharon’s to see what you can do to help.

I have also made an appointment to see my MP about the Autism Bill to try and urge him to support this bill. You can email your support here.

And as they say "That's a rap!"

Night to remember

The music throbbed.
The lights flashed
The dance floor was heaving.
I scanned the room and then I saw him.
The most handsome man there.
Our eyes met only briefly but his radiant smile remained as I walked towards him.

I danced his dance.

We stimmed we rocked.

I squeaked with his squeaks.
He held my hand HE HELD MY HAND!!!
I felt we were the only two people there. Worries forgotten as we lived in the moment.

I felt connected.

The evening was then cut short as Cs staff had to take him back (end of shift). But it was a magical night, Cs night club debut, one I will remember for a long time.

No fingers in ears!!

Cs first taste of alcohol!

Did i mention he held my hand!!!


He was fasinated by the smoke!

Merry Christmas Everyone!