Thursday, 27 January 2011

On the looking glass

C is 22. And only in recent years he has ‘allowed’ me to give him a quick kiss. On his forehead (if he’s in the mood to bend down) or on his nose with my finger. His terms of course – but I don’t mind. And he has never given me a kiss.
Something is shifting in C’s development. I can’t quite put my finger on it yet. It’s always at C’s pace, you can’t push him or even encourage too much him (but maybe with II we will be able to?) as he will retreat and shut down. So you introduce him to something, leave it around – maybe the same day – the next day – a month – a year – never – sometimes he does something that blows me away. Today was one of those days.

I’ve always had mirrors about the house (since getting over the stage when C used to smash everything!) – something Donna Williams said once stuck with me years ago when I read Nobody Nowhere.
6 months or so ago I noticed C looking in the long mirror in his room – a first. And over a few weeks I noticed him watching himself or the person in the mirror. And then big stimming in the mirror. C is very hyposensitive – constant motion. I joined him in the mirror and he thought it was hilarious! I put a second full length mirror in his room and he suddenly seemed to notice more of what was around him as he started tapping the walls and windows with his hands (something he does with his feet (exploring where the wall/floor starts/ends) – but never with his hands) to do with the vestibular system and where you are in space. It was if he is beginning to make sense of where he his – maybe who he is?? Or that - ‘he is’- (developing a sense of self?)

Yesterday I put a hand mirror in his room. Today I noticed it had moved. I picked it up and saw lip prints.

Yes I know he was poss just smelling it, tasting it. But my first thought with a tear welling in my eye was – he gave himself a kiss.

56 comments:

Akelamalu said...

How wonderful! Why shouldn't he give himself a kiss? Hopefully you will be next. x

Leslie: said...

Oh my gosh! that is amazing - and I can totally understand your tears. I hope you are next! Sending hugs...

Leslie :D

BenefitScroungingScum said...

How fantastic! Brought a tear to my eye too, BG Xx

Suzanne said...

I teared up by reading this -and I am not his mum. I am excited for you both.

JoyMama said...

Oh, that's magnificent!

Your posts are so insightful, and so encouraging.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Oh! What a discovery!

Leigh said...

Wow...

kristi said...

Wow. Just wow. I am having a tough week with TC but I make him kiss me even if he doesn't want to!

savvymum4 said...

Oh wonderful , it certainly sounds as though he is becoming aware of whats around him, here is to a lot more new sensations and feelings lovely

Sullivan said...

A very nice post. The part about him finding if funny when you joined him in the mirror especially made me smile.

Joeymom said...

Exploring the world is so important. What obviously exists to us, not so obvious to someone else.

Lora said...

OMG that brought a tear to my eye! How cool is that?!

Yuji said...

What a lovely story. And so interesting to read about C's reaction to the mirrors.

bbsmum said...

Learning never stops, so why should development? This is good news for all of us: our 'children' will keep developing, however old they are :)

Maggie May said...

That is so wonderful. It seems as though he is blossoming out in some new way. Autistic people take a long time to develop emotionally ....... lets keep hoping.....
Maggie X

Nuts in May

rainbowmummy said...

Can't think what to say, just delighted, bring on the changes C, what have you got for us?! I am really *really* excited for you and C!!!

xx

ps It might not mean very much but I'll kiss you any time, I already know you taste delicious (very lemony I recall).

Lane said...

Oh wow. How wonderful!

Ron said...

"But my first thought with a tear welling in my eye was – he gave himself a kiss."

Oh how WONDERFUL, Casdok! That actually brought a tear to MY eye!

Sending you both a BIG hug!

((((( You and C )))))

X

starrlife said...

Ahhh.... beautiful and amazing isn't it? Deeply moving....

Kahless said...

He inherited his beauty from you
xx

Nora said...

That makes you want to do more experimenting, doesn't it?

secret agent woman said...

It seems like you and C have embarked on a new and exciting journey.

Heather said...

That makes my heart smile. :)

MommyToTwoBoys said...

Oh, and now I'm crying too. How sweet.

And you remind me of something I completely forgot. When my son was a baby everyone went on and on about how much babies love mirrors. They bought me mirrors, always tried to force him to look and play in mirrors, and told me when he was sad to have him use the mirrors. Guess what? My son could care less. And then those same people acted as if my son had some sort of issue because he didn't LOVE the mirrors like all babies do. And he DID have issues. It's call Autism!

Ha! Thanks for the trip down memory lane!

CrackerLilo said...

Wow. Just wow. I teared up and got chills. I know how much you cherish each new discovery.

Tanya @ TeenAutism said...

Such a joy to read!

Jenn said...

What a wonderful story.
Thank you so much for sharing!!!

Tired Mom said...

I simply LOVE this post! Thank you for sharing!

Cheri said...

that is too cool!

Debs Carr said...

How wonderful!

Suburbia said...

Wonderful
:-)

spectrummymummy said...

Incredible. I hope the next kiss he doles out lands on your cheek. :-)

Karen said...

Absolutely inspiring post! I can feel it my heart.
This post makes me wonder what what my son will be like at 22 :) I have been following your blog for quite a long time and I am just now coming back from a long absence from the Autism Blogging world. Thank you so much for making my day.

Hugs♥

Looking for Blue Sky said...

That's so lovely, great to read some good news :)

Brenda said...

Oh my WORD, that's beautiful. Now I'm feeling all teary-eyed. Dang it.

D.J.Kirkby said...

OMG! I love this post! I have tears in MY eyes and that's saying something.

D.J.Kirkby said...

OMG! I love this post! I have tears in MY eyes and that's saying something.

Maddy said...

Love it.

Honeysuckle said...

That's so lovely!

SuperLittleMen said...

That has made me smile and well up at the same time. No wonder it has made your day x

Fiona said...

That is truly WONDERFUL! I see so many similarities between your son and mine. We are fortunate that J allows, on his terms, cuddles and the occasional kiss. He will also offer kisses to us. Which is scary as they are done with an open mouth and a scrape of teeth. You wait with baited breath for the bite but dare not draw away because you are grateful for the closeness. Lovely post.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Oh, Jen. I can't tell you how this post has made me feel because you already know. They copy us don't they. And even if it does take weeks, months, years, they will always find a way to let us know they have understood. Maybe not in the way we would have thought, but in the way they wish to.

A wonderful moment indeed.
CJ xx

Jade said...

What a wonderful post!! I love to hear about these changes/growth spurts C is having. How wonderful it must feel to watch these changes. Hope you are doing well and taking care of yourself.

Sending both you and C out love and positive vibes!

Jade said...

What a wonderful post!! I love to hear about these changes/growth spurts C is having. How wonderful it must feel to watch these changes. Hope you are doing well and taking care of yourself.

Sending both you and C out love and positive vibes!

Autism Mom said...

I absolutely love the moments that make you wonder or shed a tear.

Tera said...

Beautiful! Maybe he was practicing for mom? One can dare to dream, right?!

Bullet said...

Pleased he is enjoying the mirrors so much :).

Paulene Angela said...

I love it.
pxxx

jazzygal said...

That is fabulous Casdok...have a tear in my eye too!

xx Jazzy

Frogs' mom said...

Growth in one's own time and space is always miraculous to behold - this is simple beautiful :0) So happy for you both!

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

'But my first thought with a tear welling in my eye was – he gave himself a kiss. '

My breath caught in my throat with that one.

Boo used to say 'I love you mummy' and he would write it down (Hyperlexia, to be sure but it is something I cherish, that piece of paper) and now if I say I love you he mumbles 'I hate you'. I know he doesn't mean it, I know he just doesn't understand the concept but it stings all the same.

Kisses? Yeah, he will let me kiss him but he has to lick me or punch me afterwards... *sigh*

Mom to JBG said...

That is just wonderful! The only kind of kisses I get from my twins are when they smell me, but I definitely count them as kisses! Go C!

laughingwolf said...

amazing, cas :)

Tracy said...

Oh my goodness. I would have thought the same. A kiss. You brought tears to my eyes. I want to link my blog to yours! if I may?

Mima said...

A magical moment for you. I hope your care package survives the cuts, it's so frightening isn't it? I've no idea what I'll do if mine gets cut. I'm part funded by the ILF which has now been closed, so when that comes to an end in a couple of years I don't know where they are going to fund from.

MarsupialMama said...

Awww, that's so sweet, this post was really moving. I hope he continues to have many breakthroughs, each day at a time... :)