I was recently told by a manager of a residential home (not C’s) that because I have organised a Christmas lunch for the parents of C’s home that there must be a need in me to fix people. Other parents have too many issues and I shouldn’t take them on (I was only suggesting lunch!) That there is something missing in me and that I should walk away leaving C to ‘highly trained’ staff and get on with my life. ‘That’ he said would be the best thing I can do for C. Stop being a martyr. Apparently I have a build up of years of grief, guilt and denial. I have co dependency issues, control issues and am over protective (maybe some parents have good reason) I should accept that this is ‘it’ for C and not to want any more for him. Staff are not there to befriend ‘clients’ or parents. It is a job. It is not about family. If your son was normal and went to university you wouldn’t know what he was getting up to. Stop trying to save the world. Stop interfering.
All because I mentioned having an Xmas lunch for parents. I'm finding the difference in attitude and expectation of some staff from the world of education to the adult world is huge. There should be a transition plan for us parents!
How can you accept and support our adults if you don’t accept and welcome their family?Things are changing and with the Internet and social networking these days parents are all in touch with each other – and with professionals. Some of us are professionals. We have access to the latest research. Some of us go on courses and attend conferences. We read books and papers. We write books and papers! Parents can be a good resource. We are the experts. Many of us know the rules, regulations and good practice guides, we rewrite them! Some parents sit on Boards and committees and change policies. We are political. We take part in consultations. We campaign. We run Charities. We got a mention in the Equality Act! Things are supposed to be transparent. We do want more. And as Kev said – we want it for everyone.
From the Carers UK summit
We want to work together in partnership.
So yes I do have a need to fix!
What out of date stereotype would you like to change?
I know not all staff think like this and there are many excellent people out there who work really hard with us parents and do want to update the system and the attitudes.