Saturday, 13 October 2007

Spare a thought

I am feeling sombre today as my father told me yesterday he is dying.
So I'm going to do a sombre post.

All parents know raising any child is difficult at times. For us parents with a child on the spectrum (I cant speak for other disabilities) it is made a lot harder not only by other peoples attitudes but the lack of funding for schools, respite etc. There is a general lack of understand not only by the public but professionals to (Hence my wanting to write Mother of Shrek)

Some parents go under. It makes very depressing reading.

Helen Rogan threw herself off a bridge taking her Autistic son with her.
Karen McCarron wanted to end her daughters pain.
William H Lash shot his 12 year old son and himself.
Casey was 17 when her mother killed her.
I could go on.

The abuse our children can suffer makes us as parents suffer. The frustration, the fighting for our children’s basic needs, the knock backs, its all so wearing and draining.
When we go out we are stared at, laughed at, our friends desert us, our families don’t know how to help. Our world shrinks.
And for some it ends in tragedy.
Its not just about accepting our Child's autism , (Jim Sinclair helps with this) It is about society at large accepting our Child's autism.

41 comments:

Steve said...

Sorry to hear your news Casdok. You're right, parenting is a whole different ball game for parents with a child who has special needs. We need more understanding all round!

Elizabethd said...

I dont know which is harder sometimes...to be a parent or to be a child.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

I am very sad for you Casdok, so sorry to have read this news.

I am fully with you on other people's understanding of autism. I won't go on, I've just done that in my own blog.

Take care and you know where I am.

Crystal xx

Cathy said...

A sombre post indeed. I am so sorry to hear your news, Casdok.

Cx

Linda and her Surroundings said...

What a long journey you must feel you are on at times.

Wade said...

C,

So sorry to hear about your father.

It's evident to us all that you are fighting a good fight not only for your son but for your self and others with the same challenges as well.

I hope you don't mind me saying so, but I am one who believes that the Lord not only gives us a hidden strength but a clear hope as well. I can't imagine what your world must be. But I can imagine how God is right there with you each step of the way. And because of that, I believe, there is always hope!

Prayers for you, C and your father.

abstractjenn said...

Casdok - I am so sorry to hear about your father. What a sad sad time for you indeed.

Being out in public with my two respite charges I know what you are talking about - the stares, the whispers, the snickers. I get really angry and have no problem letting those people know they are being rude. But I can see it all over their mother's face. The exhaustion, the sadness, the frustration and the anger. It's a hard road and I give you and her a lot of credit for being able to handle it.

I've only been a reader a little while but I can tell you are a great mom who has loves C so very very much. He is lucky to have you, and I feel lucky to have found this blog.

I wish I was in the UK - I'd take on some respite hours for you! Keep using the blog and know that we are here to listen!

Casdok said...

Thank you Wade.
And thank you Jenn!
Thank you everyone!

Nancy said...

Cas, You are in my thoughts and prayers. A most difficult time dealing with an ill parent.

More so, you write with such openness and honesty about your trials and tribulations with C. I have learned more about the reality of autistic children reading your posts than any "medical article".

C was blessed by God to have you as his care giver, his mom.

Beth said...

I am so sorry to hear about your father. Such a sad, tough time for you.
You possess amazing strength but sometimes it all just seems too much, doesn't it?
Take care.
Hugs and prayers for you all.

JUST A MOM said...

ok caught up not sure about the shower,,, huuuummm that one would be for an inventor huh... this is so sad I might see how it can be frustrating I only am a sitter for a small child who I believe has atuisum as his brother also has it.


Prayers for your comfort.

Sweet Irene said...

I am sorry to visit you for the very first time on such a sad day. Still, I read some of your older posts and see that you are a tough and optimistic woman. Nevertheless, I wish you much strength and fortitude. I will be coming back every day to see how you are and how your son is. Sometimes I think my life is tough, but then again, everything is relative, isn't it? Ciao...

Jackie Luben said...

Sorry to hear your news. Good wishes.

Jackie

Top cat said...

May your father, your family and you be given peace and strength.

Thank you for sharing with us your story and the story of others raising an Autistic child.
Children without special needs are hard enough to raise and test the patience of even the most understanding parent, your situation is multiplied many times over.
I salute you.
tc

Casdok said...

Thank you. But you dont have to salute me!!
Im just muddling through doing the best i can.

slouching mom said...

Oh. I'm so sorry.

These are tragic stories that you've collected here.

Sigh.

Chris H said...

Life truly does suck sometimes, sorry to hear about your Dad mate.

Chris H said...

Re your comment: yes I will ! In the grand plan we will be moving (should know this coming week for sure) then I can start redecorating a new home all over again! I love being busy!!!

CanvasGrey said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

BBC said...

As I keep saying, death is not a concept to me, but it can be hard to lose a loved one. Harder if it sneaks up on you though. So good for your father telling you, it will help you prepare.

Living with some things, and not just not autistic people, is very hard on some folks. I don't think it is up to me to judge them if they decide to leave early. The way I see it, they start over again and hopefully the next 'life' experience will be better. Well, it's complex, as you well know.

I can accept the kind of autism your son has, but I'm struggling with what I see as undiagnosed mild cases that I believe could be better understood. Well, getting there is a journey.

Okay, time for a nap. Hugs.

Withy Brook said...

So sorry to hear about your Dad. It has obviously gone very deep and you are still in shock at the news. Lots of love and prayers as you face the sad future. I admire you from afar as the mother of C! I think he must be a lovely person, in amongst his troubles.

Maddy said...

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad.

I'm also sorry that more people have such trouble with acceptance.

I'm very glad when I think just how many more people than I initially imagined, are willing to open their hearts to our children.

Best wishes

Cheri said...

So sorry to hear about your dad.

If the parents of autistic children would unite and be more positive about their child's autsim, the rest of the world would eventually follow suit. People who have downs syndrom are more accepted today than they were 20 years ago, and that is because parents took them out and showed everyone how wonderful they really are.

Rhonda said...

Wish I knew what to say to let you know how much I appreciate your honesty. I really feel like what you have to say is important and enlightening to those of us that don't have any idea what a Mom like yourself goes through...
I'm sorry life is such a struggle.

Get Off My Lawn! said...

Sorry to hear sad news.
If you are ever in Canada... and in British Columbia... and north of Prince George... wanting to leave pavement behind... well, however unlikely, you could always stop by here. Tea is always on.

Jocelyn said...

In the midst of such pain, you continue to point out important realities to all of us.

DJ Kirkby said...

Thinking of you.

KC's Blog said...

So very sorry to hear about your Dad. Our hearts are with you and your family.
Hugs, Tina and Boys

Eileen said...

So sorry to hear about your father. Wish there was something I could do. Be gentle with yourself. You are an amazingly strong person, but remember to take time out for you.
Sending good thoughts to you!
XOXOX

her indoors said...

so sorry to hear about your dad.
be strong, i know it is easy to say and hard to do.
you are in my thoughts x

Niksmom said...

So sorry to hear about your father; I hope you and your family are able to find peace and joy in the time you have together.

It is difficult raising a child but when you throw in the added stressors from autism and other disabilities...well, it can be harder than it should have to be. C is so lucky to have you to love and care for him and to fight for his rights and needs. He knows he is loved and accepted; in the final analysis, isn't that all anyone wants?

Casdok said...

You are so right!

But Why? said...

I'm very sorry to learn your news of your father. I hope the future brings you happier times, that you stay strong when you need to be and that you find some time for yourself as well as your family. You are all in my thoughts. xx

The Goldfish said...

Very sorry to hear about your father, Casdok. I really hope that everything is as easy as it can possibly for him and you have the opportunity to enjoy one another's company in the time you have left together.

Melissa H said...

In light of this post, I'm glad that my idiot waterlogged moment made you laugh. My condolences about your sad news.

Marla Fauchier Baltes said...

I am so sorry to hear this. This will be a difficult time for you and C. My thoughts will be with you.

Brooklyn said...

Two thoughts.
First, I am SO SORRY to hear about your father. I can't imagine the pain/sadness of that conversation. My thoughts are with you.
Second, I am new to the world of being a "special needs" mom, so I have not incountered near as much as you but just Friday, a gal I word with said she commends me for "keeping" Brooklyn. I did not know what she meant, I thought she meant that I did not abort her. I reminded her that I JUST found out she had rett syndrome. She said I know...I could not keep her if she were mine. It was as thought she punched me in the gut. She admires be for not institutionalizing my baby girl. I now can't look at her the same. I am sure this is the first of manu akward converstations I will have with people....

Suzy said...

I am very sorry to hear about your Dad.
Thank you for bringing the needs of autistic children to the forefront, exactly where it should be.

Love
Suzy

kristi said...

Sorry about your Dad. You are so right on with this post!

sweetpeas said...

May your time with your Dad be precious and cherished. You are a wonderful person. Thank you for sharing your inner most feelings with the world. You did the right thing writing Mother of Shrek. It will change lives.

kazniklif said...

hope you work it out! :-)

we are thinking of you. write soon. X