Friday, 26 October 2007

Acceptance

From yesterdays post I think most of us agree that we are all on the autistic spectrum somewhere. I wish everyone in my town was as understanding as you all!

So why do some people want to cure autism? Wouldn’t we then all be wiped out?!
And why is there so much abuse of autistic people?


Even my Ex husband wanted to put C out of his misery (That’s why he’s my ex). But it was he who was miserable and not C, C was just being himself!
C head bangs, but its not always because he is anxious or miserable, he does it just as hard when he’s happy. I think his pain threshold must be very different, but then there are lots of people like that!




C has been abused over the years, ranging from being insulted in the street, ignored, neglected, to physically attacked, indecently assaulted etc.

It breaks my heart as he is so gentle (except to himself). Obviously I do what ever is in my power to help him, but I am not always going to be around.

Hopefully my blog has given people a better understanding, but you don’t have to understand autism, just accept all people are different.

44 comments:

Chris H said...

I have always said "Thank God everyone is different, cos that's what makes the world a fun place to be. How boring it would be if we were all the same" ! I don't profess to know all that much about Autisim, but I am thankful you have made me more aware of the condition.

Odat said...

I'm playing catch up here...wow...there's so much to know about autism! You sound like you're doing a wonderful job with "C" and I'm sure he knows you love him dearly. I can sure tell that! Bless you!
Peace

Crystal Jigsaw said...

I echo Chris h - I was going to say if everyone were the same, we'd be terribly boring and the human race would probably come to a halt. Good on C for being himself.

Crystal xx

Posie Rosie said...

It is such a difficult one and how awful that C has come across abuse and unacceptance like this.It is completely unacceptable, and born out of complete ignorance, which doesn't make it okay at all. I have to admit that probably I would be scared or frightened initially by some of the extreme behaviours. This fear would be born completely out of my own ignorance, and a feeling of being intimidated maybe. I think it probably comes from the fact that quite often people will try to mirror others, have you ever noticed that you often find yourself sitting the same way as the person you are talking to, that if you move your hands or uncross your legs, they subconsciously do likewise. People often begin to take on the accents of the person they are speaking to. When you meet people who don't react in this familiar way I think that somehow people feel intimidated, challenged and possibly frightened. Look at all of the prejudices in the world, look at how languages, accents and dialogues etc have all at times suffered from people trying to change or wipe them out. It doesn't work though does it? And it shouldn't work. Prejudice is being tackled by raising awareness and encouraging acceptance. Your blog is a wonderful tool for bringing about change, I think you should write a book Casdok, you are providing me with a greater awareness and understanding of another aspect of our society that often we would shy away and hide from.

Helen said...

One point that I see going wrong in society, is that kids are not taught how to deal with "difference". When I was about 10 years old, my mom made me read "DIBS" - a book on an autistic boy. Regardless if the book got the right view on autistic people or not: I think it was good, that I learned that there are people being different and that I do not need to be afraid of them.

Knowledge opens the eyes - as you do with your blog and this is why I love coming over (((hugs)))
:-)

buffalodickdy said...

One thing I guess I wanted to say last post that I didn't- He could not survive without your care for him and about him. He's very, very lucky.

BBC said...

My daughter was different, slow, until she became an adult. It didn't bother me but her mother sure didn't like it. Her daughter is even more different.

I think that autism will be cured in the future. When scientists get to where they can control conception and birth, and then there will be no more birth defects.

But even after that there will still be a sort of autism, the self centered side of it, after all, for billions of years our two most basic codes have been, survive, procreate (sex).

It's the survival code that will always make us a bit self centered. Well, it would take a book to explain that.

Elissa said...

Funnily enough many of our world's problems (both big and little) are related to people being 'different' and others not accepting these differences.
Maybe one day people will take each other just as they are, after all, like chris h and crystal said - life would be boring if we were all the same.
We should celebrate and be grateful for our differences and uniqueness!

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

Well said my dear. You've had your little part helping us undertstand.

spleenal said...

I looked at the chart of things autistic people may do and i can tick a few boxes myself.

1,4,5,6,7,8,9,11,12,14

10 out of 18's not bad.

i think normal people are all "wierd". we all maintain the mask of average when with others.

people abuse the ones who can't hide it as well as they can.

sorry for the use of the word 'weird" you know what i mean.

i once accidently shot myself through the finger with a nail gun (two inch nail) i acted like it hurt a lot and that i didn't sort of enjoy it.

i didn't even think of not pretending.

Elissa said...

I forgot to say earlier - I hope it's not cured, we'd loose too many wonderful personalities in our world!

Casdok said...

Me to! As you know i have blogged on that one before!

Nancy said...

Most "normal?!???!" people are harder for me to cope with than the innocence of people living outside the preconceived norm.

I concur with all of the above, what a boring world if we were all the same ... a flock, a herd, a crowd of unics!

BenefitScroungingScum said...

I think that the thing people seem most afraid of is difference although I don't know why, perhaps its some sort of primal instinct inside us all, certainly like C I've experienced all sorts of abuse from the general public and many 'well meaning' people making comments about how I'd be better off if only....
BTW, I've been meaning to mention that C has his little finger severely subluxed in the photo of him in the sidebar, I do think his pain perceptions must be very different. BG x

Chopski said...

What is 'normal'?

Marla Fauchier Baltes said...

A beautiful post.

mommy~dearest said...

Casdok,
The thing I most enjoy about your blog lately, is seeing that you've really opened some people's eyes, minds, and hearts. I think you are doing a wonderful service to everyone, by showing people that Autism is not something to be afraid of, that it's not contagious or evil. Our kids are not bad, they're Autistic.

Acceptance may be a long way away, but the more society is exposed to Autism, the closer we are to achieving that goal.

Thank you to those of you who do not have a loved one with Autism. You are here by your own choice, fueled by the desire to know, to learn, and to educate. I truly commend that.

Frances said...

Casdok,

Your blogs are quite a gift, allowing many folks to see some things that they might not otherwise have been able to.

Thank you for your generosity.

xo

Casdok said...

BenefitScroungingScum, am sorry to hear of your abuse, difficult isnt it.
Can i ask what you mean by finger severely subluxed? All his fingers and toes are like that. Is it painfull for him?
I was told they are hyperplexic or something like that?
Thank you!

Casdok said...

mommy~dearest, thank you for raising that! My sentiments exactly!
Even just opening one persons eyes, has made my blog for me, but to open more than one persons eyes is just fantastic, and i thank you all for reading.
xxx Casdok xxx

Phil Plasma said...

A cousin of mine is mildly autistic, so when you speak of the autistic spectrum, I completely understand. I just wonder where on that spectrum I fall...

Maddy said...

I that's about all 'we' want = that when we're pushing up the daisies, the world we leave our children in has moved forward into an era of acceptance and diversity.
Best wishes

Sara said...

I think you would greatly enjoy the book I'm reading just now. I'm very sorry to hear that such awful things have graced Cs life. Abuses of non verbal children/adults is such a sad and discustingly previlant issue...

Casdok said...

Sara, what book are you reading now, you tease!!

Sara said...

oh yea! Forgot. hehehe you stopped by and while that book that you saw is quite intresting thats not the one I meant. The one I was talking about is called "What you can do right now to help your child with autism." Its an easy read and very good so far!

Suffolkmum said...

I agree with so many of the comments that it is difference we are afraid of; also I think in some deep atavistic sense we are terrified of losing control, of order slipping into chaos, and when we see people who aren't 'controlled' but who follow their impulses, it's scary. i think you are doing a wonderful job with your blog. I'm so sorry that C has suffered so much abuse.

Casdok said...

Suffolkmum, im sure you are right.

And unfortunalty the abuse C has suffered is considered normal. It shouldnt be, and i sincerly hope as awarness is rising, i hope it wont be in the future.
And i as his mum certainly do my bit to educate all professionals we come in to conntact with.

her indoors said...

abuse of any kind is so cruel, must just say glad he is your ex.
yes you have given me an insight to autisim, and also an insight to a great parent

BenefitScroungingScum said...

Hi C. A sublux is a partial dislocation, usually used by hypermobile people to describe when the joint has rapidly gone out and back in to the socket without needing assistance or has just partially slipped and is perhaps sat part in part out but not fully dislocated.

I can't enlarge the photo to get a better look at C's hand, and of course I'm not medically trained, just someone who's used to this kind of thing, but to me his fingers look subluxed...it's particularly the middle joint where they are bent backwards. I can't say if it hurts him or not..there are differing degrees of hypermobility, some people are very hypermobile and it never causes them any pain and others far less so but for them it's incredibly painful..no-one knows why.

I'm certainly not surprised that you say all his fingers and toes are like that, with various comments you've made about injuries and having some hypermobile joints and knowing it can be common in autistic people. I'm making a wild guess now, but people with EDS can have sensory seeking issues, we seem to struggle to know how to process the input we get, which from all you've described would be on the same spectrum and head banging just a more dramatic expression of some of the behaviours common in EDS'ers like our constant fidgeting (which some doctors think is to do with our bodies/minds constantly trying to figure out where we are in relation to ourselves and the world) I'm rocking my pelvis back and forth on a gym ball as I'm typing, the movement sort of lets me concentrate on that rather than all the other stimulus coming from my body which are a bit overwhelming without being able to wobble around. Gym balls and wobble cushions are used to great effect on bendy children when they are struggling particularly in the classroom, a bit like I'm trying to describe it just seems to 'free up' the brain to concentrate from all that other distracting input as our bodies work too hard on things like breathing, holding us upright etc.

I think that's all really rambly, but I hope it's of some use? I don't know what signs you use to tell if C is in pain, and of course chronic pain is totally different from acute, but if it were me, and I often flap my hands if my pain levels are on the way up, I'd perhaps try a simple, non sedating painkiller like paracetamol or ibruprofen (if C can safely take anything like that) and see if that's any good? BG x

dawn said...

I think there is a misconception in the world about autism and that there are some really closed minded people. It breaks my heart that C was abused. There are more autistic people out there then we know. There is a girl on Top Model with Asper Syndrome and it is just remarkable. thank you for the education. Have a great weekend

Casdok said...

Wow BG, that was interesting, and certainly sounds very probable.

If i hadnt joined the blogging world i would never have know that!

Isnt it a great place to share information.
Thank you BG x

marmiteboy said...

Sybil is on the spectrum and it is what makes Sybil, Sybil. She is a wonderful child, witty, intelligent, creative and loving. Yes she is impaired. Her comminucation skills are behind her peers. But she reads better than someone of 10/11 (shes 7. I have been seeing Lily for 18 months and Sybs progress has been fantastic over that time. She may keep progressing and be able to hold down a job' lead an independent life, have relationships and so on. If not she is still Sybil and a fantastic person in her own right. Even having to justify her to people seems completely wrong. It shouldn't have to happen.

FXSmom said...

My son has a totally different pain threshold too and I chalk it up to the autism part of him. When he was 2 he got 3rd degree burns on his arm from a wall heater we had. We realized it hours later when I noticed the blisters on his arm. He never cried or anything...not until the hospital tried to bandage him.

When he was four he fell and hurt his elbow. It was fractured and dislocated. Once again, no tears. We realized this one when we couldn't get his jacket off because his arm had swollen inside of it!

Casdok said...

Thats why its worrying!
Difficult isnt it.

Pixie said...

It must be a terrifying thought that you won't be around to protect C at some point in his life.
I feel that about my sons and they are lucky enough to be seen as OK, well one of them has issues but hey!
Are children are so precious, every single one of them.
And C is very lucky to have you as his mum.
pxx

Ken said...

What a great blog, so much to learn here.

Thanks for sharing

I, like the view said...

hiya Casdok

your blog is fab too! issues close to my ♥

:-)

Beth said...

Your blog has definitely given people a better understanding - both of your wonderful son and of yourself.

Suzanne said...

oh my goodness! I have serious catching up to do here! Traits in myself is easy, but traits in my husband is the eye-opener!

Angela said...

Everyone is different, but being diffrent still causes problems with some people.
Frustration!!!

But Why? said...

Yours is a wonderful blog. I do so enjoy my visits here. xx

Philip. said...

Wow, those hooks in the back look pretty painful.

Can anyone tell me why someone would want to put themselves through that?

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

I'm so glad that you are here -- your own clear love and acceptance for your son is where inspiring the whole world starts. :)

akakarma said...

Great post casdok! Hit the nail....