Monday, 27 August 2007

Relaxing coffee.......not

A. No we didn’t have an event free day.

We were in the pub (yes another pub! Well he is 18 and on holiday. And I did only have a coffee!)
I was having a good chinwag with my PA and C was minding his own business feet watching and in a very good mood. By this I mean he was laughing (at what I don’t know!) squealing with delight and vigorously shaking his head.
But my delight in his delight didn’t last long as the manager came over to us and said there had been a complaint as my son was frightening some children. The father of whom was obviously the frightened one, as he didn’t come over.
So what was I supposed to do? Tell my son to stop being happy? Or stop being autistic?
Shouldn’t the father have used the oppounity to educate his children in special needs rather than complaining? Some people are so insensitive.
This is actually the reason I call my blog, Mother of Shrek. Like Shrek when people first see a green ogre they are frightened, but when they get to know him they realise he is harmless.This didn’t help my jaw ache!


Preseli Mags said...

Hi and welcome from another Purplecooer! I've had a quick read of your blogs (Mother of Shrek? I couldn't resist...) and already see there's one about poo. You'll fit in well here in Purplecoo land!
As for stress and the aching jaw - try punching something... the manager of the pub perhaps???!

Casdok said...

Thank you and everyone for the warm welcome.
And the tip! Thats why i need a PA! She has to restrain me!

@themill said...

I wrote a couple of blogs about my daughter which may or may not be of interest.

Also, do take a look at The Ruskin Mill Trust and Camphill communities. If I can be of any further help send me an email via the Private message site at Purplecoo.

Exmoorjane said...

Disgusting behaviour....he should be ashamed of himself. I guess some people are still ignorant of special children. No wonder you have a tense jaw. jx

annakarenin said...

I don't know. Do you ever get used to that sort of reaction without wanting to march over and tell him where to get off?? I know you said in an earlier blog that it is by seeing people who behave differently that people learn to accept and understand and where better to start than childhood but with a dad like that what hope is there for his poor children.
p.s Exmoor is sooo wrong human poo far far worse than dogs, my mother had a dog who used to seek it out and roll in it yuk!!
Also the verse you wrote in earlier blog was excellent.

toady said...

I know you don't want sympathy just understanding but nevertheless I can't imagine what you have to go through but your love for your son shines through. I think you'll like the Purple Cooers all completely potty but very supportive and with a wealth of different of experiences to draw on.


I was once advise to imagine obnxoius peoplein theri underwear it really does bring them down to size. People can be so cruel and thoughtless but sadly there has always been ignorance and always no doubt will be.

Welcome to the land of pur0ple coos.

Elizabethd said...

Welcome to our site. I worked for 3 years in a home for young Autistic adults, part of the Devon and Cornwall Autistic trust, so know a very little of what your life is about. It is far too easy for people to make value judgements without knowing circumstances, and must drive you insane with fury.
Camphill communities are truly brilliant. They are a village type atmosphere, family houses, places for crafts etc.

Casdok said...

Thank you Elizabethd.I hope you enjoyed your work!
I spoke to Camphill when looking for an adult place for my son but unfortunalty because he cant dress himself etc and has life threatening challenging behaviour they felt they were not able to cope with him, as indeed the majority of places i looked at. I have now found somewhere and am waiting for a place to come up. Who knows how long that will take!

Cathy said...

Finding a residential place for an autistic adult is so hard. Even reasonably able ones do not have some of the skills required by many places, eg ability to travel between home and college on their own!

We won't be at that stage for a few years but a friend has just been in that position...she has just got a residential college place for her son for Sept but it was very last minute. I hope one comes up for your son soon.

Thanks for visiting my blog by the come back and I think I will be a regular visitor here!

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of a unfortunte experience I had at a Wal-Mart. I was looking at kid video games. I have Asperger's Syndrome. I also find it rather annoying how people assume kid video games only targeted at kids, they also are aimed at the female gaming market.

So this guy had his children there looking around, and I waited 5 minutes let's say. I have a sensitivity to sudden loud noises. So my mom asked if his kids could move down, since I felt uncomfortable around them and they clearly weren't actually looking at the games, as in going to buy something. Their father acted terribly, I think he said something like "They moved already!". Like, yeah if I wasn't made to feel so anxious I could get what I wanted and just leave.

I thought maybe if I explained to him I had Asperger's Syndrome he'd understand. Most likely, he'd probably say something crass about that. As if his yelling wasn't terrifying his own children as well. Makes me sick to think about how he treats them at home.

My point in sharing this story, is that sometimes there are people so ignorant, so self-absorbed, that there just is no point explaining things to them.

For all the times I've had NT children encroach on my personal space, and I had no way of dealing with it. If I told them to go away, they'd get angry at me. I'm almost always complaining in some fashion about how I feel powerless against NT children, because you cannot just simply talk to their parents. Most of the time they will react extremely defensively, and then I am overwhelmed. I am constantly complaining about how our society, gives childfree adults no way to defend themselves from the stress of other people's bratty children.

It's not just as simple as ignoring them, or living my life at home, since I can't even go to a resturant and have a nice dinner. I am one of those people who think there should be child only areas in resturants. After all, with all the times I've had parents snap at me "YOU'RE not a parent, so you CAN'T understand what it's like!", you would think they'd enjoy the company of other parents. What's that, they don't want to deal with other people's loud children when they go out to eat? It's no problem when they cause that problem to others.

Yes I have Asperger's Syndrome, and might be more sensitive to other people's out of control children. That doesn't give them, or their parents the right to terrorize me. Even if they don't know. A part of being a parent is protecting your children. Protecting your children means, you see to it they don't set an adult off. I'm so tired of living in a society where adults are at the mercy of other people's misbehaving children.

I wish more people had the "behaviour problems" your son did. I'm positive had you gone over and accused that father of his children terrorizing your son by bullying, he wouldn't have given you the time of day. Sometimes it's better just to ignore people.

I hear parents on blogs complain about how when they go out and their child misbehaves, they don't like how people glare at them. Maybe if people felt they could talk to them, without being attacked for daring to question their ability as parents, they wouldn't feel glaring them down is the only way to contend with them.

Casdok said...

I totally agree with you Violet. Im more than happy to talk to people, to explaine, to educate, but people are sometimes to imtimidating. So i just do what i can.
The staff in the places we go a lot, eventually get to know us and then they are more than happy to side with us, but it takes time. And a lot of gritting my teeth! Hense i get jaw ache!
But we have to perserve - dont we!!

Anonymous said...

casdok, it's situations like the one you described that make me want to say, "Alright, who really is the "retard" here?" In the sense that while most NTs see people like C and myself as retarded.

I've met many more NTs who are barely functional. I mean, can't even find a DVD by alphabetical order dysfunctional. It amazes me how people refuse to see that being social means nothing, if you have no knowledge to back it up.